It's Snarkurday!

So, after Blake Shelton up and divorced Miranda Lambert amid rumors that she’s a cheatin’ croonin’ country star, she needed to beef up her image and what better way to get some press than to appear onstage with former country crooner turned pop tart Taylor Swift?

When Swifty’s tour came to North Carolina, Miranda was there, too, and they sang one of Lambert’s hits, “Little Red Wagon.” And it all looked so sweet except … the two are ALLEGEDLY feuding and have been for a couple of years, so it was tense that night, onstage and off … says a source:

“The girls were anything but friendly that night. Miranda was miffed that Taylor flubbed several lines of ‘Little Red Wagon’ and also annoyed that Taylor made her wear a 1989 shirt.”

Taylor Swift is a stylist, too? But I digress … the tension dates back to when the two gals got into a screaming match over a collaboration that fell apart and ever since then they hate each other. Miranda thinks Taylor is fake … you don’t say … while TayTay says Miranda is a mean girl … go figure. So why the concert duet? Damage control.

Since Miranda’s divorce, and the rumors that she’s boning any man and every man that comes within ten feet, her reputation is shot. Cheating boozing lying … maybe TayTay is a career stylist … too?

And speaking of Miranda, let’s jump to Blake Shelton and his new girlfriend, and newly divorced herself, Gwen Stefani.

After finally saying what everyone knew was true — that they were doing one another — the NBC press train … NBC owns The Voice and therefore owns Stefani and Shelton … made it clear that this new romance started after Gwen split from her husband Gavin Rossdale, except … Gavin doesn’t think so.

Gavin’s theory is that Gwen was on the down-low, turning in that chair with Blake Shelton while they were still married because she was afraid a nasty divorce, and rumors of cheating would cost Gwen a boatload of alimony cash.

Of course, maybe he’s just sour graping because of the song she wrote about him after the split … a song that, as I said a few weeks back, was kinda nasty and not really the kind of song a mother would like her kids to hear her sing about their father. And maybe he’s pissy because folks say she wrote it that way since he was ALLEGEDLY doing the down-low thing with Marilyn …

All this cheating makes for a perfect country song … Get to writin’ it, Blake.

I adore Tim Gunn and here’s just one reason … Tim has once again served the tea — a few weeks back he dished all things Anna Wintour — during an interview where he was asked about Kanye West’s latest fashion collection … and we're holding until the laughter dies down … and he replied like this:

“Well, I’m reminded of the words of a very dear friend of mine, former editor-in-chief of Vogue Grace Mirabella. I think they’re a bunch of dumb clothes. Just basic pieces.”

And Tim then decided to add some juice about that whole Kardastrophe Klan and their ALLEGED fashion sense and influence:

“The whole Kardashian clan doesn’t like me, so. There are large issues for me, such as ‘Why? Why?’. When it comes to fashion, I say to people all the time, if you want guidance for your fashion, just consider this: If a Kardashian is wearing it — don’t. I think it’s vulgar. And I just think given the amount of public exposure that the Kardashians have, to potentially be sending a message to people that you too can dress like this? No.”

I image now that Kanye and That Woman have huddled around a cauldron trying to come up with a potion to make Tim Gunn recant …

It must be a slow news day when has-been actor, and bad toupee wearer, Burt Reynolds rises from his crypt to say something nasty about his ex-wife, Loni Anderson — whom he wed in 1988 and divorced six years later. But, Burt decided twenty-one years later was the perfect time to dish about Loni, whom he calls “The Countess”:

“The Countess bought everything in triplicate. China. Diamonds. Designer gowns. She’d pay $10,000 a pop for the dress. And being ‘the Countess,’ she’d only wear them once because, you know, she couldn’t possibly wear a dress after it had been photographed. She’d say, ‘I have to dress like a star, Burt.’”

And, he says, when he gave her an American Express Platinum Card, she maxed out the $45,000 credit limit in 30 minutes.

Wait. It was just 45K? Reynolds spent more than that in 30 minutes on toupee glue.

Ariana Not-So-Grande has kinda become a star rather quickly — I mean a couple of years ago she was just some prepubescent schoolgirl and now she’s a prepubescent schoolgirl with a record deal. And, along the way there have been all sorts of stories about what a bratty diva bitch she is, from temper tantrums to America-bashing to fan-hating to donut-licking and on and on.

And now this; she was supposed to be on The Jonathan Ross Show in Britain, but didn’t show up ALLEGEDLY because a new Krispy Kreme had opened on the corner and she had Maple Glazed to lick.

Apparently her minions, and by minions, I mean her parents because she doesn’t have to pay them, told Jonathan Ross’ people that she was getting in a car to go over to shoot the episode but then she never arrived; and so Ross trashed the petulant little diva on air:

“Ariana is in town. We were told she would be in the car at 6pm to be here for 7pm then it got to 7pm and she was not in the car – 7.30pm and she is still not in the motherfucking car. So I don’t think we can hold out much hope. I don’t know what it is. We are going to give Ariana the benefit of the doubt and not say anything mean or judgmental. I apologise to anyone who might have come along hoping to see her. She was booked but the lazy little fucker has not come. Maybe she has gone to her first Nando’s.”

I imagine now that Arianna has created a Jonathan Ross voodoo doll out of bits of her weave, some donut crumbs, and crusty bits of chicken and will stand outside his apartment wailing like a bird with a broken wing … if she can get there in time.

Robert De Niro is cranky; he’s cranky like “get off my lawn” cranky.

At the Wall Street Journal Innovator Awards in New York last week, a man named Stewart Butterfield — his real name — won an award and during his speech, pointed out all the famous people in the room, and then took aim at De Niro:

"I watched ‘Godfather II’ on the plane ... when you killed Don Fanucci, I liked that."

Robert De Niro didn’t like it, and when he took the stage to present an award to Angelina … need I say Jolie … he went off:

“Whoever the last speaker was ... I thought you were a bit condescending to us actors ... celebrities. I’m gonna go on record with you just to say that. And I don’t give a fuck who you are.”

And then Robert De Niro had Stewart Butterfield offed. Well, maybe not, but he could have; and the lesson is, never speak to De Niro, about De Niro, or look into the eyes of De Niro.

And now for some Food Network gossip … This year ALLEGED adulterer Bobby Flay divorced his wife and ALLEGED adulteress Giada de Laurentiis divorced her husband and the internet went wild that Giada and Bobby would be bumping uglies before the year was out.

Now, maybe not so much. Giada recently admitted on Watch What Happens Live that she would NEVER date Bobby Flay after hot Andy Cohen suggested that there are people out there who want to see these two foodies play hide the chorizo.

“We’re very good friends, we’ve worked for many years together. But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, because I’m smarter than that.”

So, is she smarter than dating Bobby Flay or is she smarter than telling Andy Cohen, who never met a tidbit of gossip he didn’t Tweet to death, that she wouldn’t date Flay?

I’m still sensing hanky-panky in the kitchen.

Forget about the Taylor Swift and Katy Perry Feud, because there’s some old school divalicious about Mariah Carey and Jennifer Lopez.

It seems that JLo’s manager Benny Medina, also represented Mimi from 2003 to 2008, and then tried to get back into her career ruining, I kid, running, I kid, but JLo put the kibosh on it and renegotiated her contract with Medina to include a “No Mariah” clause.

I assumed that clause was standard practice in Hollywood.

I can’t help it … I love girls feuding. Especially when the girls are Vivica Fox and 50 Cent. And to think it all started with the rumors that Vivica once tossed 50’s salad, and the of Fiddy’s ass getting Vivica lip treatment raised its ugly head again when Fox appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked her about Fiddy’s Instagram post that blamed Empire’s second season ratings slump on the “extra gay stuff”:

Andy: What were your thoughts when 50 Cent blamed the second season ratings dip on “gay stuff”?

Vivica: First of all, um, you know the pot calling the kettle black is all I’m saying.

Andy: Pot calling the kettle black… So you’re not insinuating that he’s…  Vivica A. Fox, what are you insinuating?

Vivica: Well, I mean, no, he’s not. I mean, we had a good time. I mean, but he’s just, seems, like he’s got something that’s not quite clear. So….

Andy: You mean sometimes if people protest too much about something, that the actual fire is happening right there in front of them?

Vivica: Yes. Absolutely. I’ll just never forget there was a Vibe cover with him and Soulja Boy that made me go, “Hmm.” I’m just saying…

Andy: So you saw the cover and you thought… Were you with him at the time the cover came out?

Vivica: Absolutely not. Well, he looked like a booty snatcher on that one to me.

And so the feud was off and as soon as that episode of WWHL aired both 50 Cent and Soulja Boy went on the attack against Fox; Soulja Boy Instagrammed a picture of Vivica looking a little rode hard and put away wet … as we say here in Smallville’s horse country … and he added the caption:

“Everybody hit up this cougar...she’s single & ready to mingle …1-800-GrannyDesperateForAttention extension I’mWashedUp”

And then Fiddy took aim:

“Oh No!!!, Now she thinks I’m gay because I let her lick my Ass. LMAO. Wait, I didn’t want her to, she forced me, and my hands were tied. 50 shades of grey”

Sounds like a lot of protesting to me … and funny that Fiddy and Soulja both came for Vivica. Where there’s smoke, there might be flamers.

Since we already did some Snark Talk this week about Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, and when they began banging, and with whom his ex, Miranda Lambert, may have been cheating with, and how her ex, Gavin Rossdale, suspected that Gwen was already riding Blake before his divorce, and before their divorce, except …

Right about the time Gwen and Gavin put the kibosh on their wedded bliss, rumors circulated about Gwen firing the nanny because maybe the nanny was, um, nannying Gavin, too.

And now there seems to be more rumors that, yes, Gavin was boning the nanny, Mindy Mann, for up to three years, including the years that Gwen was knocked up with their youngest kid. Gwen ALLEGEDLY found out about the Nanny Banging when another nanny — how many nannies do these folks need — read a slew of text messages, and saw some nude pics, between Mindy and Gavin on the family iPad.

Damn that technology! It makes it so much harder for bored male celebrities to bang the nanny without their wives finding out.