Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Design Star: Someone's In The Kitchen With No Taste

It's back to the White Boxes for the designtestants, and I'm thinking they might be getting a do-over--which some of them sorely need--but this turns out to be the Dream Kitchen Challenge. They are tasked with turning a totally empty space into a Galley kitchen, an L-shaped kitchen, the U-shaped kitchen, and the Peninsula kitchen. And they are to design their kitchens in a certain style: Industrial, Farmhouse, Global, Contemporary, Traditional, Shaker, Tuscan and French Country.
Sidenote: why was Tanika Ray wearing a spa bathrobe? Did she have a mani-pedi scheduled after her intro? Bring.Back.Clive.
Anyway, the designtestants will be working in teams. Yes, one of those poor souls is doomed to work with Cathy.

Cathy and Karl
And that would be my boy with the good Jeans, Karl--and if you don't believe me, look how many times they get a rear-view shot of Karl bending over.....just sayin'--who has already suffered at the hands of First-We-Go-Shopping Cathy....Global perspective Cathy.
But then something odd happens, and Global Perspective Cathy wants to do a Contemporary Kitchen in the U-shaped design.
But Karl bucked up and decided to soldier on, and by soldier on, I'd hoped he meant go to war with the Ego That Is Cathy, but, sadly, that didn't happen. However, Karl was the first to notice that three of the four kitchens were being painted the same neutral green and suggested a change to orange. Cathy said No. Karl explained his reasons. Cathy said No. Karl bitchslapped Cathy and the Orange was on.
Cathy is an "I" designer. I want. I think. I need. Now, "You" do it.
Hits: Karl's Contemporary light fixture above the island and his tiled backsplash, and his win for changing the paint color. Cathy's Camera Challenge. So professional.
Misses: Cathy's styling, of which she says she's an expert. Every inch of counter space was covered with some kind of fruit or bread or potato or egg or urn or flower or vase. It looked like the Piggly Wiggly, only with better lighting, thanks to Karl. Also bad? Cathy's Camera Challenge. She's good, for a five-time-Emmy-award-winning reporter, but it comes off a little news segment-y. And now, back to the news. But she won for it, so, who am I?

Meg and Kevin
They chose Industrial Peninsula Kitchen; industrial, because, let's be honest, Meg loves wearing a tool-belt and Kevin is submissive.
They were one of the few teams to pick some vibrant color for their space, for which Mentor Bromstad--it sounds kinda Amish, right?--praised them. And they got the big industrial-sized appliances to create a lofty space.
I would have liked to have seen some concrete countertops and a stainless steel backsplash, but then i am sitting in a wing chair in Smallville, and not on TV.
Hits: Meg’s Pegboard Pots and Pans Wall, and Kevin's Tool Cart Desk Storage.
Misses: Kevin's messy staging of the desk area, and the stool that sat in front of the desk being too high to actually sit at the desk.

Kellie and Mark
They were doing the Country Galley Kitchen and were the two that really seemed to nail their look. And they worked well together until Mark suggested using the same Peel-and-Stick flooring as a backsplash, which sent Kellie into tears.
All in all the room was a hit. it looked like a country kitchen, even with two backsplashes.
Hits: Mark gets respect for his pendant light--though he could have removed the price-tags. Kellie gets bonus points for the table she chose, with the mismatched chairs and her Camera Challenge which, while it ended short, was personal.
Misses: Mark's mixed backsplash. He gets props for getting it done, but points off for the two different styles.

Leslie and Tyler
They went Global L-Shaped kitchen, but it was more of a Hell-shape. There were a lot of good ideas, which were never implemented, and a lot of bad ideas, which were everywhere.
The cork floor was a nice touch, both in terms of Global Perspective, and in terms of functionailty in a kitchen. But the zebra rug screamed obvious....obvioulsy wrong.
As in past years, the tiled backsplash was left unfinished, this year by Tyler.And the only place he put it was behind the stove, when, well, behind the sink is made for something called a backsplash. .
Hits: Leslie's clinky-clinky shell chandelier.
Misses: Tyler's Global Bench, which was pretty. Pretty small and out of place when set alongside such a massive table. And his Batik treatment of the wall was a miss. One of the judges said it looked like the remains of a wallpaper stripping project. and it did.

The Judging
Cathy wins the camera challenge, but gets knocked down--sadly, just figuratively--for her over-styling. She's safe.
But Kellie gets the win for her country charmer, which must be nice after last week's horrific painting project.
Mark gets saved, as does Karl, Leslie and Mister Meg, leaving us Kevin and Tyler in the bottom.
Kevin gets nailed for his messy desk, and the too tall desk chair. Genevieve Gorder makes a joke about having one inch thighs being the only way you can use that chair at that desk. She must have thought the comment so funny because she used it twice.
it wasn't. Just shut up.
Tyler gets called out for the odd purple bench and odd paint treatment. And then we are reminded that Kevin has been in the bottom more often than not, so, then it's Kevin going home, right?
Wrong.
It's Tyler. Which I found ridiculous because he's been consistently near the top, or at least safe, all season, while Kevin rises and falls like Genvieve's IQ--well, it mostly falls, but I was in need of a metaphor so I stretched.
This makes me think they have already picked a winner, and will just keep around the people who make a good show. Kevin's queeny and campy and funny , while Tyler was just a nice guy with good taste.
Oh wait. Nice.Guys.Finish.Last. Or, at least, eighth.

Rant
I'm sort of annoyed by the guest judges. I mean, the Queer Eye guy was good, but Kathy Ireland is just a brand, and then they haul out Paula Deen. I mean, unless you were gonna slather the designerss in butter and deep fry them ,why would you bring Paula Deen on? Y'awwwwwwwwwwllll?
Also, where the eff is Candice?
She's always off working on her show which means she's actually a working designer, while Itty-Bitty and Mindnumbingly Dumb are always on the show. We never hear about Vern having to take the week off to design, or Genevieve needing time off for...for...whatever.
But the show needs a designer judge.
It's design, people.
Oy!

6 comments:

  1. She's a nice lady, Paula Deen, but I have a hard time listening to her. She was on Iron Chef once and I had to turn it off several minutes in.

    I found it kind of boring that the designers had almost every design made for them - style of kitchen and pick from these styles. Pick from these cabinets, these floors and these counter tops. They got paint, back splash, lighting and some furniture.

    And lots and lots of groceries.

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  2. Great post--- I agree with it all....

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  3. Even being from the South I have never been a Paula Deen fan. Her drawl is way too over the top. I loved the recap. Can't stand Cathy. When will it be noted that she cannot get along with anyone? I really like Karl.

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  4. It has been noted that Cathy can't get along with anyone. That's why she stays in, even though the only thing she's designed is a shopping list. The other designers have worked to create something out of almost nothing, using paint, wrapping paper, cabbages, wood scrapes. She...buys things. And supplies conflict each week. Way to go, Cathy.

    Too bad about Tyler. His white-room water-bottle chair and painting was pretty cool.

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  5. I agree with everything!! You're right on the money.

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  6. can anyone tell me anything about the light fixture in karl and kathys kitchen. its the only contemporary thing in there and i cant find it anywhere. Please help

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